We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
