I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
