I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
