Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
