Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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