is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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