he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
