You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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