Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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