Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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