the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need water and some morals
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
