I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
