Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
