weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
false alarm. still invincible.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
