i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
