I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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