the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
