Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
