made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
