There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
where does the pee come out of this thing
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
