I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
