remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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