I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
