I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
