ugly people sure do ruin things
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
