Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
