I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
