I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
