man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
