you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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