I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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