we made out on top of his cat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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