left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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