i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
