why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
