god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
