Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
