Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
