u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
