Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
