ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
