I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize