you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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