i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
