I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she looked like the before picture.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
