ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
