i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize