idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
