I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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