shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
