Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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