Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
