i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
