When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
