I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
