Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
