i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm passing your future prison.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
