he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
