so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am mentally ready for anal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
