yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize