hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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