I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we're so committed to being not committed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
