i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize