i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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