pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
