he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is Oprah even human
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
