I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
