Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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