I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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